… Or useful. Because I entered badoo and it ask for an expensive fee just to talk with anyone.
As a man: Prepare to be rejected over and over, to feel disposible and useless, unwanted and nobody likes you and you will never be as good as other men and you might as well end it now.
As a woman: Prepare to meet men who have the biggest mommy issues, to be called an entitled bitch and everybody who likes you will promptly abandon you once they figure out who you really are.
These apps prey on your worst anxieties about yourself, and then sell you the remedy: An outrageously expensive subscription to skip past the chaff and find your true life mate. Except, then you’d leave the platform, and you’d stop paying up. Match group is busy gobbling up every dating app they can get their hands on and they will stop at nothing to turn them all into the same steaming pile of shit.
As a man this sums up my experience.
Speaking to a woman who found their spouse via dating apps she said not to sweat it, pretend you’re in a job interview and trying to get to know the other person. Since then I’ve realised she was right, but as a man I’m the one being interviewed. Just like a job interview; it’s stressful, frustrating and often you’ll never know where you’ve gone wrong when they turn you down.
I use tinder, it’s been really good for me.
The key is to use the app that is popular in your location.
Attitude is a huge factor, think of it just like meeting random people, maybe having great discussions, maybe having an excuse to go to event with somebody, having a good adventure. No pressure no expectations. If you have a plan people love to join the plan. So the initial swipe match game is what it is. You can have a friend with a good camera take some nice photos, you can show interesting places, interesting things, let the app choose your most engaging photo for you automatically.
When you talk to people find something interesting about them, ask them questions about it, have your own agenda, invite them to events you already have planned and no big deal if they don’t go. Surprisingly most people want to go and see what this cool thing you’re doing is. And then from there you know you can build up.
The dating apps are just a meeting place of people who are interested in meeting people. If you treat it like that, just like a happy hour, you’re going to have a great time
Upvote for actually giving (I think) useful advice and adjusting expectations.
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No interesting hobbies? Have you been to interesting places? If no, do you want to change that? I know, it sounds boring to go alone, but it usually isn’t.
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So you spend your entire day either working/studying or staring at a blank wall?
Btw, it doesn’t really matter if you do something actually interesting, it’s the attitude that counts. I’ve tried doing the same thing/going to the same event with different people, some very positive and outgoing, and some very negative, and the experience has been very very different.
If your attitude is “I’m not interesting, and I don’t do anything interesting” then guess what, you won’t be interesting to anyone around you. Btw, going to the pub for a beer can be very interesting. Walking somewhere can be interesting.
Exactly this. YOU can make things interesting. It really depends on the attitude.
Then what am I supposed to do? Every time I go to walk alone or eat alone guess what I feel worse than being in my room. And it’s been for years now. Trust me when I’m telling you this: is not Interesting.
Then you need some friends. On the how to acquire one, there are a few ways. One of the most effective outside of school or work is to join some club, some class or some sport activity. For instance, I joined a latin dance class lately (salsa, bachata) and I’ve met lots of very friendly people. Every Friday they also organize a night out to some local clubs to dance, and there you can meet lots of other people with a similar interest. It’s just an example though, pick something interesting, join a group of people etc.
You just need to be proactive. Staying all day in your room commiserating yourself is definitely not sexy
Unfortunately there’s no activity about the things I like. Also I’m broke.
Let me give you a different perspective, actually. It doesn’t matter as much that you do interesting things. What matters more is you manage to be funny and appear laid back enough that people won’t be put off. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned anything in my profile that was a genuine interest. I answer any question as a joke, any time I send an opening message I try to make it a joke I find funny, and that usually works.
Remember: those apps are banking on you staying on the app and spending money on Longer you’re there, the more likely they can get you to spend some money. Their business isn’t to successfully get you off the app. It’s to keep you on. So before you ever get too discouraged and down on yourself, remember that you’re working upstream against a soulless corporation.
I’m not a funny person unfortunately. And I don’t see that fact changing, is my nature. I’m serious and don’t laugh at jokes that often.
Should we examine your profile?
Your username here is blow me, how is your dating app presence?
Are you putting up any red flags, without realizing it?
I’m the boring nature type, I don’t have anything in my name, live with my family, but I’m loyal and respectful enough with the people I care. Isn’t that enough?
I’m not even physically ugly.
Harsh truth: No, it’s not enough. You have to convince somebody that their life will be better with you in it. Loyalty and respect are requisites for a good romantic relationship, not the reasons to get into one.
I guess that is it.
Another harsh truth that I learned from existentialist writers, especially Albert Camus, is that we are cursed with freedom. How we choose to deal with what the world gives us is entirely up to us, and refusing to choose is also a choice. If we choose not to try to be somebody worth having as a partner, well, that is a choice.
I also understand depression, and that making that effort may not be possible. Then, healthy alternative is to affirmatively make the choice not to try, and to own it. Sometimes, people call this, “owning your shit .” Paradoxically, it helps a lot by putting you back in control of your own life, instead of feeling like the universe’s chew toy.
So, listen to me or not. It’s your choice.
The world is shit and I’m done. I understand.
I’m loyal and respectful enough with the people I care. Isn’t that enough?
Nope, you need to actually meet people, do stuff, talk, go places etc. Simply existing and “being nice” is not enough.
Then I’m done.
Very. They’re all swipe boxes at this point, and that basically means it’s a slot machine that dispenses people. It’s designed to be addicting, not actually locate a compatible partner.
No, I don’t really have a good alternative. Date-me docs are interesting, kind of a zine-y grassroots version of the app we wish we had, but they’re a small phenomenon and I don’t know how many people actually manage to meet through them. I heard something about fediverse dating, but that’s even more niche.
After years of screaming into the void on one of these apps, I did eventually find my current gf there. They have a very poor ROI in terms of time, but they are also where most people go nowadays to meet people. Protip if you’re a straight guy: have a woman friend help you craft your profile, including potentially a dedicated photoshoot.
Based on my own experience talking to men and women who use dating apps, Hinge is the one to use if you are looking for an actual relationship. That is the one that eventually worked for me. And I know quite a few couples who met there.
Bumble used to be decent too but they keep removing features. The speed dating feature on Bumble was a godsend for people who can’t get by on looks alone, but who have a decent personality as well.
Tinder is basically only to be used if you are looking for ONS hookups.
Note that as a guy you may have to pay for premium features on these apps in order to stand out from crowd. The gender imbalance on the apps is too real.
Dating apps have landed me in abusive relationships more often than meeting people organically. Join a community group, meet people, work with them, hike and make art, youll meet people fall in love and get your heart broke, but theres no subscription fee
Beyond useless.
If you’re at least a 4/10 woman or an 8/10 man, they are pretty effective. For the rest of us, not so much.
So useless that they’re probably just going to convert over to AI chat apps and you’ll just know from the get-go that everybody you talk to is a bot (instead of just 4 out of 5 users being bots). I’m guessing they’ll farm that sweet, juicy user-data from however many years now to train their AI on. Base level will be a semi-interested friend, but the higher-subscription level you pay into will unlock romantic options, naughty (ai-generated) pics, and they’ll eventually add a feature where you can go on virtual dates with your AI companion and they can scan your pictures/photos and make comments on what you “saw together” on your date. Maybe they’ll even insert themselves into the images to make it seem like they were really there. Hell, they’ll probably even get to a point where you can have live voice chats with them.
It seems that way
Below average, nerdy, niche hetero guy here with no desire to every have any kids. I’m using dating apps since about November now.
OkCupid: Not that common in my country, which is why I tend to get all kinds of “likes” from people all over the world. Mostly Africa. It has some - as I call it - “FOMO features” included. Meaning: I rarely get any likes when I use premium. The second(!) I don’t have premium any more and can’t check the people that swiped me, there are suddenly 7 likes. It’s a money grab, nothing more. The only interesting thing about it, is the vast amount of questions you can answer and compare with people you swipe.
Bumble: It’s basically the same hell hole everyone says tinder is. Also FOMO-features.
Hinge: The profiles are somewhat limited, compared to other apps. There are some premium plans, but no FOMO-features. The only two dates I ever had came from this app.
blindmate: It’s a very small new app. Not even sure if it’s already available in another language other than German. You can upload up to 6 pictures, set what you’re looking for (age, sex, type of relationship). All other things are done by friends you invite. They answer questions about you (max. 7/day) as well as swipe for you (max. 30/day). If your friends and the friends of the person your friends swiped for both give their okay, you’re matched. At first the main profile pic is pixeled until you exchanged a few messages. You can use Icebreakers which consist of answers of you and your match the friends have given. After a few more messages you can choose to unlock your profile for the match. I have 4 friends that swipe for me for months, 5300+ in total with a total of 28 matches. I’m starting to think that I am the issue here.
I used OkCupid for some dates before I found my now husband. It took quite a few dates on my side, but I just considered that par for the course. For him, I was his first date on OkCupid. For that matter, I was the first man that he dated, though he had dated a girl in high school.
Unfortunately, in the decade since we’ve met, I think both straight and gay oriented dating apps have probably taken a turn for the worse. We both had extensive, descriptive profiles and talked for a long time before meeting up. I keep hearing that the gay apps have turned into mostly hookup apps, but I can’t speak for straight apps.
Met my girlfriend through OK cupid too, and had the same experience. But I can tell you the app got tinderfied over the years. Used to be you’d just be able to message people and see how you matched from looking up. When I last used it it already hid people behind a swipe system, only allowing people to talk when they both had swiped right. The swiping apps usually feel they’re used by people less interested in what I wanted. For op I’d tell him to use OK cupid if he likes to answer those profiling questions and wants to find someone who also does. For swiping, tinder works best.
Im very well aware these apps are terrible in every aspect possible and only there to take advantage of people’s anxieties. Thus, I’m even more confused I met my girlfriend on Bumble and we’ve been a couple for two years now.
To be fair, I’ve been trying my luck on tinder before and got so frustrated I deleted the app multiple times.
As an introvert, finding people in real life can be a lot harder than for other people so you kinda have to rely on dating apps sometimes. This makes it even worse to see how they’re developing.
Lucky you
They aren’t great, but they aren’t totally useless either. I met my amazing fiance through one, but I had to wade through a ton of shit first.
Tinder was great 5+ years ago. It’s probably still cool as a woman, but as a dude it’s just kinda sad to be honest. And i know, haha i’m ugly and there are two rules on tinder i know i know. But i would get around without premium and get like 5 to 10 matches a month or so. And they were all real people and would actually want to talk and or meet up.
Now, no idea tbh, i get maybe a match every other month. And then it’s usually a girl who just wants the attention and can’t communicate with more than 3 letter words.
A friend of mine has like 3 shitty pictures and she is hardly on any one of them. She gets like 99+ matches a month easy.
Hinge was okay 2.5 years ago when I met my gf on it. It’s since been purchased by match.com and is likely ruined now.
I met my wife on one on the day that I signed up. First swipe and it worked! Well that’s what I tell her
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