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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 6th, 2023

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  • I mean, you really are in a tough spot because all these emotions around this desire for connection: the want, pain, grief, anger, sadness are all the ways in which your body/ brain are screaming “I need this” so I can see how the obvious solution would be “I just have to stop wanting it” so that I can make the screaming stop

    but I think what the original comment (and potentially some other comments) are saying is that you maybe have to turn toward the, listen to it, honor it (in a practical sense maybe get therapy or find other social services to try and meet the need in the interim) and then tell yourself that you are going to get your body/ brain what it needs, you’re just going to do in a different way. You’re going to work on things that matter to you, and move forward down that path, instead of the one you are currently on.

    It’s not easy to listen though. Listening means facing a lot of the places that fear comes from. It’s all just very hard and I sincerely hope you find what you’re looking for.


  • I love this response.

    I think a lot of people view the search for a soul mate as a quest to find the person that’s going to love them as deeply and unequivocally as they love themselves but neither of those goals are really… the thing you should be striving for.

    I’m married and I don’t think my husband loves me as much as he loves himself (which might sound sad) but I don’t want him to love me the same way he loves himself. I want him to love me as his partner, as someone who is working alongside him to achieve what we mutually hope to achieve and the things we individually want to achieve.

    There’s a reason that bonds develop during shared experiences. Love comes from doing something with someone, a partnership comes about when you want to do a lot of things with someone. You can have so many meaningful connections working with other humans on things that mean something to you.

    I hope OP can find a path forward where they pursue the things that matter to them and can find connection (romantic or otherwise) in the shared experience that comes from their pursuit.



  • Someone will likely chime in with a more complete answer but the short answer is large therapods had big heads because they needed big strong heads for killing big strong prey.

    If a stronger bite results in more successful kills, that creates a selective pressure towards the individuals with stronger bites. Weak bite dinosaurs die. Strong bite dinosaurs live.

    To get a stronger bite, you need a lot of features. (Ex. more muscles, different structural elements) and this generally leads to heads getting bigger because big heads have more places for muscles and will then bite harder. Plus, bigger heads can bite bigger things (like, bigger necks).

    The opposite is true for the tiny arms. The arms are not tiny because it’s beneficial for them to be that small. They’re tiny because there’s no reason for them to be big.

    If you have two individuals. They both have big powerful legs, and big powerful heads but one also has thick ole arms. If those arms don’t provide any advantage to the individual, then they just cost energy, and put that individual at a disadvantage because they spent energy on arms while the other guy did just as well without them.

    There is a much better, much more science-y answer to this too but I hope this helps in a more basic sense.

    And I bet there are some cool YouTube videos and such on this exact thing if you want to do further research.